Scarily enough, we haven't told anyone yet - ANYONE. As in, not even my mom who would kill me if she knew I put this out into the interwebs before she knew. She's going to kill me, as it is, that I didn't pick up the phone and dial her the second that pee stick showed two lines. But, this is just how I'm doing it this time around. I'm positive that I don't want to share this on a grander scale with people we know IRL until we've hit the second trimester. We'll probably share with close family and some closer friends before that, but overall, the news won't get out to the crowds until we're good and ready.
So here's some of the details...
You already know that we've been trying, for longer than I'd hoped or thought we'd be. So it's no surprise that my patience got the best of me and I started testing about 4 days too early, only to be faced with negative tests. Also, all other signs from my temperature monitoring were pointing to another busted cycle. So I convinced myself I wasn't, and started mentally preparing for another month of waiting. And then a morning or two later I woke up and my temperatures fell right back in line with those that normally point to a pregnancy, so I took a test. And it looked negative. I just put my mindset back into "not pregnant" mode.
And then the very next morning, my tempeture was still in line with a pregnancy, so I took another test. And there it was. The second line. My heart raced and I started to tear up. This was it. The moment I had been waiting and wishing for.
The phrase that pops into mind is "I coudln't believe it". But that's not true. I could -- I can. I'll never forget the complete and utter shock I felt the first time around, when I found out I was pregnant with the Goose. I literally started shaking and could not get my mind to focus. It was so unreal.
This time. It's so different. It's as though it was meant to be. And as corny as it sounds, I know it's true. I don't feel shocked, because I've wanted it more that I can remember wanting almost anything, ever. It's as though all is right with the world. I couldn't be more at peace, yet so excited and in awe. We are so blessed and I cannot express that enough.
M is already over the moon. Of course there's all the logistics of the next 8-12 months or so, given that we currently have nowhere to put this baby, and of course he's still in hypothetical career limbo. But we will figure it out. Because life happens. And we embrace the chaos. We want to build a family, and logistics, in the end, don't matter. Life and love matter and babies and children and more of them all is what it's about. We'll figure out the rest. (Of course, we're not stupid. We can financially manage all of this. It will take some creativity and hard work - but we're on top of our ish, people).
So so kick it all off, here's my very first weekly check in...
4 weeks - Month One
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| A few items to pretend you don't notice: 1-The curtains that were yanked off the wall by the cat. M has since fixed the brackets 2-If you look out that window - why yes, that is how close our neighbors house is 3-You'll notice the "pooch" I speak of below that is always there. Don't judge. |
Total weight gain? That would assume that I know my weight. I do not own a scale. My guess is around 155.
Maternity clothes? Umm, no. Although I should mention that I've been unable to lose my pooch from when I was pregnant with the Goose. So many people probably have been curious for quite some time whether I was pregnant or not. Finally, this works in my favor.
Best moment this week? Do I even have to say it? We're pregnant!
Symptoms? I have to say, nearly none so far. Slightly crampy, but nothing major and pretty normal for what would have been a period. I didn't have any this early on the first time around either. The only thing that stood out was my sense of smell going into overdrive. Oddly, it was what kept my sliver of hope going again this time around. And then just today I smelled the ink on the printer cartridge at work - EXACTLY like last time. That all said, it's because I'm thinking about it.
Cravings? Grilled cheese, but again, that isn't too atypical for me in general.
Sleep? This is the one area where, in the very very beginning, I suffer. I think it's mostly b/c my brain just won't shut off from all the excitement, but I typically can't fall asleep until after midnight and wake up before 5:00am. But I do pretty okay on little sleep so no complaints here. At least not yet.
Milestones/What's going on with Baby? Baby's not even a baby yet. The little miracle is just the size of a poppy seed.
Girl or Boy? I'll just say it now - we're going to be Team Green. We were last time until our ultrasound tech ruined the surprise and told us. This time around, I think it's going to be harder not finding out the gender of the baby beforehand now that we've experience a pregnancy that way, but I'm dying to have that whole "It's a Boy/Girl!" moment at birth. I love when people don't find out what they're having. It makes the birth of the baby that much more exciting, at least to me.
What are you most looking forward to this week? Probably telling my mom. Part of me wants to wait, but she's my best friend. I think it will be that much more real if I tell her. It's hard to keep this excitement bottled up between two people! Other than that, just being pregnant!
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