Back in one of my first posts I mentioned how I was obsessed with pumping (breastmilk, that is. For the Goose, not for fun). I realized I never really went back and got into depth about my process and experience. Now that I've been done for a few months, I thought it might be helpful to give an account of my (EP'ing) experience.
I'll start from the super duper beginning, but first say that I never cared about breastfeeding. I had absolutely no thought about it. But then I got pregnant. And with all of the information thrown at you, I have to say that breastfeeding is the one issue that took center stage for me. I became adamant that I was going to breastfeed, through hell or high-water. This might be the appropriate time to explain to you one facet of my personality that almost always wins out: my stubbornness. To put it in black and white terms: There was no way I WASN’T going to breastfeed.
And then my little bundle came.
It was so important to me to get that first shot at breastfeeding right. But, no one told me how exhausted I’d be after pushing out an 8+lb watermelon and (that just happened to have his hand up over his head therefore making it a miracle he came out that way at all) how little I would care about it in that moment. So our “first shot” wasn’t exactly a success.
Cue to the next few days in the hospital. I wouldn’t call my little guy a champ, but he didn’t seem to be struggling a whole lot. The lactation consultant was mostly happy with our progress, but advised that I pump 15 minutes after EVERY feeding until we had an established routine. I thought she was nuts, but did everything she told me to. Remember, hell or high-water folks. Looking back, this may have been the single most valuable piece of advice/information my lactation consultant could have told me. Mostly because it truly made me understand the concept of “demand” when it came to breastfeeding, but also because it taught me discipline for pumping very early on. Not to mention that it made my milk come in like whoa.
Just two days after being home, we headed to the pediatrician’s office. And I cried. Because the Goose wasn’t gaining enough weight. And the doctor ordered us to try formula. I remember it like it was yesterday. I tearfully refused to be the one to give the Goose formula, and threw an even worse tearful fit at M when he looked at me like I was crazy. Only a first time, breastfeeding mom would understand. I immediately felt like a failure, like it was the end of the world. Here we were, not even a week later, and
And then the Goose started throwing up blood. Not like the pink spit up kind. Like the holy-shiit-something’s-wrong kind. I knew it was me, not him. Even still I got worried. We talked to our pediatrician about it. I was curious to know if it was bad for him to get so much blood when nursing. The doctor’s response was to laugh and say “yeah, of course it’s bad for him. A lot of blood will make anyone throw up”. So while the doctor didn’t literally tell me to stop nursing, I took his response to mean so. WRONG. 5 whole days went by and I was pumping away, hoping my nipples would heal so that I could start from scratch with nursing and get back to it. Only to return to the pediatrician to have the head nurse/lactation consultant tell me that I should never have stopped. She looked at me like I was crazy for not having known that. I wished I had just spoken to her in the first place, but I truly thought I was doing the right thing; there was no question in my mind. I hadn’t fully informed myself. With all that said, it was hard to get a now 2 week old to try nursing after he hadn’t been for a few days. He would try and be somewhat successful, but it just wasn’t working completely.
So I kept on pumping, and to put it plain and simple, never went back. I tried a few times here and there nursing again, but we never got a good routine going. And I have to say, while some people despise pumping, I didn’t mind it as much as some would think. The only major problem I found with pumping was finding the time to pump so that I could get it into the bottle before the Goose was hungry. This is a good time to mention that the Goose was an infant that enjoyed being awake. He enjoyed his nighttime sleeping, thank God, but if it was daytime, that kid hardly slept. He was not your typical sleep-all-day-and-night infant. But it was okay with us because for the most part, he was pretty content as long as you were nearby. It made getting anything done pretty hard, but I guess it could have been worse. But of course, feeding time did not apply to his contentedness. If you messed with his milk, all hell would break loose. He could go from smiles to screaming on the top of his lungs in a split second, and did not let up until the bottle was in his mouth. Even with my oversupply of milk, I found it such a challenge to keep ahead of his needs. The kid was literally drinking 6 ounces of milk every 2-3 hours (sometimes sooner) before he was 3 months old. He was a milk monster. I remember so many times just crying, begging him to “just stop crying and let me put you down so that I can pump the g-damned milk to feed you with”. I never really got ahead of his needs, and sometimes before I had an established routine we used formula. But from 3 months on he never had a drop of formula.
Don’t get the wrong idea - it was NOT easy. EPing was HARD WORK and I made a LOT of sacrifices (don’t nursing mothers do that anyway?). But I did it all happily because it was so important to me that he got breastmilk. Here’s some things that I had to do/experience that I think anyone who is thinking about EPing should consider:
-While pumping meant M could share in the night feedings, I still had to get up in the middle of the night to pump for that first month or two, sometimes more than once.
-After the first month or two, I always had to get up early and stay up late to pump, but that goes without saying.
-Going back to work might have been easier than a breastfeeding mom, because by then I was lucky enough to have created a schedule for myself and I was already used to pumping. But, on the downside I always had an extra bag and a cooler during my 1.5 hr long commute on the LIRR. THAT was pretty complicated. In my building, the mothers who only pumped at work had the luxury of leaving their pump bags and accessories locked cabinet in the lactation room, if they didn’t need to bring them home (which many didn’t b/c they would nurse at home).
-I was attached to my pump bag for an entire year, unable to leave it behind if I went anywhere for more than 3 hours, or it was close to pumping time. Similar to a breastfeeding mom except my pump was in addition to the baby. This includes but is not limited to: funerals, concerts, shopping, friends’ houses, planes, trains and automobiles. Do you know how hard it is to pump in a moving car with no available hands because of a crying baby and trying to not flash the next car over?
-It affected how I got things done around the house, and the schedule we created as a family sometimes revolved around not only the Goose’s feedings, but my pumping sessions as well.
-In some ways, it was doing the job of both the breastfeeding mother and a formula feeding mother: taking the time to “nurse” and also taking the time to clean and prepare bottles AND pump parts – it was exhausting.
-I had to keep up a rigorous supply and demand and change with his changing needs. This happens naturally with breastfeeding, but it’s work with EPing. It takes calculating and NEVER being lazy or taking a break.
- Because I had to keep ahead of the Goose, our freezer had to always be “over” stashed, because there was no milk “on hand”. We didn’t have a big fridge/freezer. We ended up investing in a deep freezer and put it in our basement.
- Two words: Hurricane Irene. We lost our ENTIRE milk stash when Irene hit. The following two weeks were hell for me, pumping around the clock to make up for that. Somehow I pulled it off.
-While it’s cheaper to breastfeed and I’m sure we saved a ton of money, I did have expenses for extra pump parts and replacements. I wouldn’t have survived without extra sets of parts.
-I found it extremely hard to be able to have more than a couple drinks. I found it “dried me out” way too much. If I had a wedding or a party or event and I wanted to enjoy myself, I had to plan ahead with a few days’ supply. Generally, I didn’t find it worth it to drink (which is very unlike my Irish lush self).
I realize this is a pretty long list, and while I don’t mean to sound like I worked any harder than any working or SAHM feeding her child, I really felt like I was the only one who understood just how hard it was. I had breastfeeding moms tell me I was crazy or tell me they were impressed, but I also had a few who rolled their eyes at me and probably thought I wasn’t as dedicated as them. And the reactions were just about the same for the formula feeding moms, except they weren’t rolling their eyes for the same reason, they usually did it b/c they thought I was trying to “show off”.
As with all things, this is MY experience. I’m sure there are a ton of people out there who have had totally different experiences from me. Also, I don’t want anyone to read this and think I hold judgments for those who choose to formula feed. I find that it’s a very sensitive subject, but EVERYONE is different and places importance and priorities on different things. For me, my child getting breastmilk was the one of the top priorities. And I was lucky enough to have found a way to do that. I know that there are so many people who can’t or don’t want to for a million different reasons. And every one of those reasons is right for that person. It’s your life and your child. If you simply love your child, I have no judgments.
Before I wrap it up, I wanted to share some specs of what I used/needed/loved etc.:
-My pump: Medela Pump In Style Advanced, Metro Bag. – Loved. While I obviously have nothing to compare it to, I have no complaints and wouldn’t change a thing. I’d say it’s pretty awesome, because I put a beating on it.
-Pump Accessories: By the year’s end, I ended up with 5 extra pairs of the plastic breastshields, and regularly sterilized all of their parts (once or ever other week). I changed out valves and membranes mostly as needed (Probably about 3 – 4 times on average). I went through two pairs of tubing and had good luck with machine washing my bag. I also purchased extra pump bottles and caps. Lastly, I had to buy an extra plug, because I twisted the wiring on mine until it tore. Definitely invest in the car adaptor, it was a godsend.
-Milk Storage: I loved the Lansinoh bags best. They can be stored lying flat. This was a godsend in our small freezer and if we needed to travel with frozen milk. I’ve seen some people use alternative storage systems (glass, ice cube trays, etc), but I like this one best.
-Nursing Pads: I also liked the Lansinoh pads the best – they were the softest and I found most absorbent. If I’m remembering correctly, they were also cheaper than Medela. I always ended up buying their lanolin too.
-In the beginning I pumped about 5-7 times in 24 hours, sometimes more, sometimes less. By the time I went back to work at about 3 months, I was down to about 4 times during the week, 5 on the weekend. At about 9 months I was able to pump 4 times consistently, sometimes 3. Pretty quickly I was down to 3 and then around 11 months down to 2. When I started weaning I tried pumping only once a day, in the morning. From there I would hold out until I was in pain until eventually I was done. However, at over 4 months after being completely weaned, I still make milk…crazy!
So, that’s my EPing journey. If you have any questions or are curious about specifics, just comment here and I’d be happy to go on blabbing some more about my boobs.
Enjoy!
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